A Very Bizzy End-of-Year Countdown

Happy almost New Year!

Thought I'd count down my ten favorite humor pieces I wrote in 2016. 

10. Animals Pitch the Network - The Higgs Weldon, April 25, 2016

This was the culmination of a dumb non-joke from my old job. For some reason, I kept telling everyone "Bear Justice" would be a great title for a crime procedural show starring bear detectives. But, while I find the concept hilarious, it's not the most fully-formed piece. Just silly fun.

9. We Are the Only Collaborative Workspace with a Tenacious D Listening Room
 - Splitsider, July 25, 2016

Fortunately, the editor at Splitsider indulges my randomest ideas, like this one. I just wanted to pay tribute to my favorite joke-band, Tenacious D. 

8. List: Timely Thanksgiving Tablescapes - McSweeney's, November 23, 2016

I wrote this from a place of anger after the election, and it shows. Glad I was able to temper the bitterness with my Pinterest centerpiece fantasies, or this would have gotten too dark too fast.

7. The Dominatrix Dungeon Intern Gets Disciplined - Splitsider, November 28, 2016

This doesn't have the strongest storyline, nor is it the funniest thing I've ever written, but I'm so smitten with the names and descriptions of the various bizarre dungeon offerings. I like the little twist at the end, too.

6. Honest Missed-Delivery Slips - The New Yorker, September 27, 2016

This was inspired by my friend's annoyance at lackluster Fedex/UPS service. It has just the right balance of absurdity, truth-smackdown and existential angst.

5. I'm Taking Sorry Out of My Vocabulary - McSweeney's, June 30, 2016

I could have cut this down by several paragraphs, but I think it does a good job satirizing all of those annoying "women should do this/women shouldn't do this" articles you see everywhere these days. I really dig the murder storyline. 

4. Brunch Recipes for When Your Therapist Is on Vacation - The New Yorker, August 1, 2016

This one came from a place of truth, and it scored my biggest celebrity retweet of the year (thanks, Monica Lewinsky). Plus, ricotta pancakes!!

3. Please Come to My Shitty Jewelry/ISIS Recruitment Party - McSweeney's, April 12, 2016

My first-ever McSweeney's piece! I worked so hard on this, sending it to my friend and comedy editor David for several rounds of comments and revisions. He polished it as shiny and bright as a MineStone Chrystal™ in a Gold Delusion™ setting.

2. Welcome to Our Broadway Theatre; Please Turn On Your Phones - The New Yorker, June 10, 2016

The first piece I ever submitted to The New Yorker sat in the slush pile for a few months before I got the thrilling email saying they wanted to publish it near the Tony Awards. I couldn't believe it. I still can't. As a lifelong theater nerd, I'm super proud of this one.

1. Red Lobster Would Be Delighted to Assist with Your Marriage Proposal - Splitsider, May 2, 2016

Yet, this oddball piece holds the #1 place my heart! It has all of my favorite story elements: death by choking on an engagement ring, a vengeful sea captain ghost, Cheddar Bay Biscuits. It's weird and nonsensical and I love it.

Well, that's it for me this year. Thanks so much for reading! I look forward to bringing you more writerly goodness and funnytimes in 2017. Wishing you a happy, healthy and hilarious New Year. 

xoxo
Bizzy